my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
