How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
