Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
