No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Your cock deserves a montage
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
