I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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