I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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