okay pat passed out under dana's car
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
