upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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