shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
