it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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