He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
