she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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