Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
