Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
