I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
