I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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