Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
