I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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