she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
