Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
