Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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