If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
