3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
