I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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