i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
