Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
