I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just sent this text using only my big toe
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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