I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
