I am full of burrito and curiosity
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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