Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
