Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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