whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
