I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
