I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
