My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I think your dad took our porno
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
