she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
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Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
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People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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