I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
