he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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