Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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