butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
