The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
