I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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