How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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