just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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