If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
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The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
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How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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