I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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