watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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