Yo dont text me then not text me
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
