it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
