Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
