you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize