Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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