Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
