i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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