i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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