Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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