Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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