im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
