You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
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i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
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Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.