i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
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I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
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I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?