i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
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about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
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Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.