I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.