what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?