I cockslap morals
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.