He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
