Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
