On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
