i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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