Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
