I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
If that was your dad, he is hot
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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