Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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