i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
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I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
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Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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