I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
