What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
