Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
