but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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