Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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