that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
