Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
