I'm gonna have a badass scar
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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