From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
