I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
