I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
did i walk over a car last night?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
