I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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