ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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